dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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