He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
