There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
