You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize