More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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