Hey man sorry I got all grabby
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
