She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
