the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
