You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
