Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
