Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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