I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
