a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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