I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
