Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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