to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
