road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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