True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
