Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
