She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
