Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
