A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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