OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
