i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
