WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
zippers are such a cool invention
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
being pregnant is like rehab
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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