Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
BRING THE BAGELS
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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