Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
