Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
one might say we're banned from that church
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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