so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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