Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
