me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
