Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
