I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
