The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
