3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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