i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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