I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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