I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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