She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
