**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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