i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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