I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
