My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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