Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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