But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
