Can Purell be used as lube?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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