Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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