You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
