I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
