where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
