Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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