I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Come see our sink grown plant.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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