Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
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Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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