I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
