I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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