She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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