i think i have herpe
just one?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you mean i was at the winter classic?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize