the new term for farting is butt boxing.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
