i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he shaved USA in his pubs
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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