Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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