So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
