so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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