then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
