Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
