I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
