My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
